Marriage

But I do have a couple of comments. Often wives store up their complaints over time. Sometimes it's over things that aren't quite worth mentioning at the time, or circumstances prevent bringing it up. But during hormonal times or other stress, often the filters come off and the whole pile of problems come tumbling out. When that happens it may trigger your own set of stored complaints, partly in defense, partly because you think "well, if she's going to bring that up, this is my chance to bring up the other thing that bothers me". Bringing up your complaints At This Time is hardly ever a good idea. The best thing to do is listen carefully and patiently. It may well be that you will hear something that you had no idea was a problem, or knew about but didn't think it was a problem. It may be a problem to her and you may get an insight on how to serve your wife and family in the future. Patience doesn't mean condescension! What your wife says is important for you to hear with a humble heart. You may not agree with everything she is saying, but this is also not the time to engage in lengthy arguments. It is time to listen.

That doesn't mean it is never time to respond and share your own feelings, but it is better to leave it for when you are both at your best - and then only one issue at a time. More later, but you need to know we care about both of you and want the best for your marriage! Last night you told me that you know of women who have husbands "worse" than , but are filled with joy and and are Godly women. I don't doubt that and celebrate that God can bring men and women to a place within difficult relationships that they can praise God and have an effective ministry. But this does not let the husbands off the hook. You are more than just familiar with Ephesians 5 and other scriptures talking about the relationship between husbands and wives, but this morning it hit me that, like teachers, husbands are held more accountable. The fact that a wife may be growing and rejoicing in God is a testimony to that woman's walk with God, but doesn't let the men "off" of their responsibility to love their wives like Christ loves the church. More than once, I have gotten the feeling that you want to let certain men off the hook.
Another thing that has bothered me is your claim that because there was a "presenting sin" like pornography in cases like mine that our cases are different than others. I am certainly not denying my sin, but I was a lousy husband and father long before I got involved in pornography. I was lucky to have a defining event that let me reset my life in better channels.